I know it's been a while, a week, since I last posted an update and I truthfully haven't been too keen on posting this one. Probably the biggest response I have gotten from everyone through my writing, or my tweets, or interactions, has been how positive my attitude is. Why shouldn't it be? I know I'm going to beat this, the doctor's know I'm going to beat this, and cancer damn sure knows it by now.
However, with that constant reminder of how positive I've been, it almost makes it difficult to tell you all how hard this is. To talk about the bad days, and there have been a few. Sure, my family and loved ones know because they see it. But, if so many of you are upbeat because of me, how can I let you down by showing my bad days? The answer is simple: I have to.
Your positive support is what has helped keep me fighting through those bad days. It would be wrong of me not to share my struggles, our struggles, and only let you in on the good times. Cancer is not a one-man battle; it is a team sport and I need my team.
The truth is, getting out of the hospital and getting back to work last week was the happiest I had been in a very long time. It was proof that things were getting better. The doctors were so impressed with how my body reacted to the first round of chemotherapy and they trusted me enough to let me go and try to live my life. It was exhilarating, it was unfathomable, it was too much.
I went back to my full-time job with head of steam last Tuesday, was in the office all week, and returned to my passion of calling Manhattan Jaspers games on Friday night. I can't even begin to describe what Feb. 6 meant to me. To see my 22 brothers, coaches and players, for the first time in a month, sporting the #BootStompCancer wristbands was beyond emotional.
Hugging all my friends, colleagues and coworkers over the past four years felt like coming home for the first time in ages. Seeing all my athletes, the softball, soccer, lacrosse, baseball teams, etc. come over to me and smile was incredible. The President of the school even emailed me that day to say he hoped to see me at the game! The amount of love and support I got that night was so overwhelming, there was no way I wasn't going to keep fighting. It also helped that the Jaspers won that night, but I digress.
Unfortunately, my mind and heart were not on the same page as my body. I crashed. It didn't come swiftly like you sometimes think. I didn't fall over or anything like you see in the movies. It happened like a slow-motion car wreck. I did another broadcast on Saturday, and then a road trip with the men on Sunday. And then it happened.
I knew something was wrong almost immediately that night. My stomach and my head were just not having it. I barely slept. Nothing helped as I was in so much pain. On Monday, I tried to go to work and stayed way longer than I should have. When I finally got home and laid down, I didn't know what to expect.
I woke up almost two hours later and had forgotten where I was and how I had gotten there. I was fearful that I was going to start throwing up or run a fever and have to be rushed back to the hospital when my mother was over an hour away at family.
Fortunately, I was able to sustain everything and was able to get some sleep Monday night. Tuesday was a great day and today is looking like more of the same. I am constantly learning through this process. That's what cancer does. It forces you to relearn everything. What you like to eat, how fast you can move, even how much you can take. I know there are going to be bad days, I'm not naive. I'm just thankful that for every person who has told me how amazed they are at my positive, that same person I know will be there when a day as bad as I've had comes along.
One of my great days is coming. This Friday, February 13 (which is ironic cause I am REALLY superstitious about that day) the Manhattan Jaspers and Iona Gaels battle on ESPNU at 10pm and I am calling the game for Manhattan radio. Both teams have agreed to work together with me and the HEADstrong Foundation as part of our #ProjectGameday campaign to raise money and awareness for those fighting this disease.
If you have not donated, and you can, I ask for just a small contribution. I'm closing in on my goal of $2700 raised before tip-off and would love to exceed that and present HF with a great check as they will be there on Friday. Please visit www.classy.org/BootStompCancer to learn more about HEADstrong and to donate.
Until then, as always, please keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming for myself and the others going through this. I love you all, I thank you all, if you're coming Friday night I can't wait to see you all!
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