Top 10 Sports-Themed Halloween Costumes of 2011

Alright, October means my favorite holiday of the year is fast approaching. Halloween. I love creative, funny, mean, politically-incorrect costumes. I was Martha Stewart one year (blonde wig and an orange jumpsuit) and the Met's starting lineup the year they all were hurt. So, with a little help from my good buddy Matty Naps, here is a top-10 list of sports-themed costumes for you to decide between in the next three weeks.

10. NBA/NFL Lockouts

Easily the most talked about stories of the last few months, arguably the two most exciting sports leagues in the country were close (one still is) to not actually having a season. The majority of Americans sat uneasy during June and July as the thought of no gridiron Sundays crept closer and closer to reality. Now, there may actually be a delay/cancellation of pro basketball in the US. Easy costume design here, just put on any NFL/NBA jersey and make sure you have handcuffs on. Or wear a suit with the keys around your belt. Either way, complain you aren’t making enough money the entire time.

9. CM Punk

In a “sport” that continues to have an insanely large fan-base, CM Punk has become one of the more recognizable names in WWE. Now, when I occassionnaly checked in on RAW or SmackDown, I learned that this guy was a “straight-edged” man trying to convince everyone to do the same. Whether that is still true, I’m not sure, but his storyline has grown to becoming a WWE champ. If you wanna give this a ride, throw on some spandex, continue to make him the most popular name in the biz and tell everyone how much better you are than them.

8. Alexandre Burrows

The bite felt round the world, was one of the biggest talking points in this year’s Stanley Cup Finals between the Vancouver Canucks and Boston Bruins. The Canucks winger actually went and tried to take a piece of Bruins Patrice Bergeron when the two got in a skirmish a la Holyfield-Tyson. To properly do this costume, buy a Burrows jersey and have part of a finger hanging out of your mouth. If you want to make fun of the whole city of Vancouver, just peacefully destroy everything at the party because you didn’t get what you came for.

7. Philadelphia Eagles “Dream Team”

Ok, once the NFL got going, the actual analysis of the sports and teams began. Experts continued to gawk at the signings made by the Eagles and dub them immediate contenders. Backup quarterback Vince Young took it another level and called his squad a “dream team” of sorts. Now, Philly is 1-4 after dropping a game to the Buffalo Bills this weekend. Without the Phillies or the 76ers (does Philly know they have an NBA team?) the Flyers look as the only hope in that city. To make this one work, just get all the Eagles sleepwear you can find and look like you’re about to go to bed. That’s the only way Eagles fans will their team in the Super Bowl.

6. Novak Djokovic (as Maria Sharapova)

If you have not seen this, here. Novak, who had probably the greatest season of any individual athlete since Tiger Woods in 2000, also proved he is very creative and funny by spoofing on the talented, and sexy, Maria Sharapova. Guys, your drag costume of the year is here. Just follow Novak’s lead and enjoy the Lady Gaga alternate of 2011.

5. BCS School

With all this talk of constant conference realignment, why not have a little fun with? Texas is in the SEC, TCU was going to the BIG EAST and is now going to the BIG 12, Colorado apparently belongs in the PAC-12, and now UCONN and PITT are on the Atlantic Coast. Just find any BCS school jersey and constantly change the conference logo patch on your shoulder claiming football would do better there. Just don’t go get a geography degree from any of those universities.

4. Lebron James

For the second straight year “King James” has made the list. Last year it was as simple as putting on his jersey and talking about going to Miami. This year it’s almost exactly the same. Buy a LeBron James Heat jersey, grow out a little scruff for your beard, and throw on your headband. You have to make sure that you leave all your rings at home, cause you’re LeBron, you don’t have any. Oh, and make sure you and your teammates leave three-quarters through the party.

3. Nevin Shapiro

Ah, yet another college story to make fun of. The University of Miami (The U), was caught for multiple players receiving benefits from a booster named Nevin Shapiro. Those benefits ranged from parties, to computers, to even prostitutes. So all you have to do, is rock a Miami football jersey, have a couple Charlie Sheen-esque goddesses on your arm and keep promising them to other people at the party if they come with you.

2. Brian Wilson’s Beard

The most glorious face-salad in sports since Rollie Fingers has taken on a legend of its own. Now, I hate that Mr. Wilson has to dye his beard black to keep it that way, but he makes up for it in camera attitude and character. Instead of going as Brian Wilson’s ESPY outfit, just go as the beard, it’s that famous anyway. Could get you an epic Head & Shoulders commercial too.

1. Red Sox/Braves

Who will ever forget, or let us forget, the fact that the Atlanta Braves and the Boston Red Sox simultaneously performed the greatest September collapse in baseball history. If you want to really be a star at your party, and piss off any friends who are fans of those teams, put on a Sox/Braves jersey, tape a pair of fake hands around your neck and paint your face blue. If you are a Sox or Braves fan, you can have just as much fun with this by putting on an Alex Rodriguez jersey.

At The Quarter Poll, NFL Power Rankings

I wanted to do this yesterday but I spent the entirity of Tuesday helping out at a blood drive (yes, I even donated) to which the Baker quipped she thought I only had ice in my veins. Anyway, as we've reached the quarter poll in the 2011 NFL season there have been failed experiments, incredible comebacks, numerous injuries, and potential prophecies coming true. Here are my power rankings in the league as we reach our first bye weeks:

32. St. Louis Rams (0-4) - After missing the playoffs last year with rookie sensation Sam Bradford, the Gateway City is just hoping to close this year with a full roster. Injuries are devastating to a team, and when you have the worst record in the worst division, you deserve to be at the bottom.

31. Miami Dolphins (0-4) - Miami is like the Baltimore Orioles of football. They play in such a competitive division and you can see them trying to be good but they just aren't. Chad Henne is hurt, Reggie Bush doesn't even get the ball in blatant running situtation and Tony Sparano should be fired.

30. Minnesota Vikings (0-4) - Donovan McNabb was near his twilight in Washington last year, good thing he went to Minneapolis where he can Ponder just how good retirement looks right now. Not even Purple Jesus can save this team, especially when everyone else in the division is winning.

29. Denver Broncos (1-3) - Remember when Tim Tebow was the saving grace for this team? And then the media turned on him? Maybe it's time to see if the most overhyped Heisman winning QB since Eric Crouch can turn it around in the Mile High City.

28. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3) - Matt Cassel has still yet to find that magic he did when replacing Tom Brady in New England and without a running game, this team can only go south. A dissappointing year for the defending AFC West Champions. At least they have decent BBQ.

27. Arizona Cardinals (1-3) - Despite almost upsetting the New York Giants at home, Kevin Kolb has been a subpar signal caller in the early going. Larry Fitzgerald and Early Doucet are great options for him, but Beanie Wells needs to be able to do what he did last week more often for this team to compete.

26. Indianapolis Colts (0-4) - Peyton Manning isn't coming back anytime soon. Joseph Addai can't carry the team this whole season and Curtis Painter still needs to mature a bit. I can guarantee they won't be in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes in the draft, but I can also promise they won't finish .500.

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) - I got to watch this team in person a few weeks ago and let me say this, David Garrad is still waiting for that apology. Blaine Gabbart is a smart guy, but there's a reason quarterbacks don't come out of Mizzou. What would MJD do? Try to finish the year healthy.

24. Seattle Seahawks (1-3) - Again, this a terrible division and Pete Carroll doesn't have the magic. Tavaris Jackson is not that good a quarterback which is why the Vikings let him leave in the first place. Eventually they have to win some games and in the NFC West, they will.

23. Carolina Panthers (1-3) - Similar to Miami, this is a team with some talent, and if they were in a less competitive division they would finish better. Cam Newton is the real deal. Now you need to build around your franchise player and challenge Brees and Ryan.

22. Cleveland Browns (2-2) - Colt McCoy was a very good QB in college and the Texas product will eventually become a fun guy to watch. With his arm and the legs of Peyton Hillis, there are only two things standing in the Browns way, Baltimore and Pittsburgh. O-H!

21. Cincinnati Bengals (2-2) - I-O! Marvin Lewis made good on his prediction that the Bengals would defeat the Bills this weekend. Andy Dalton is looking like he may pan out in the NFL but I'm still not confident enough in that defense or their other offensive positions.

20. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) - Keep dreaming. Michael Vick is an outstanding talent and one of the most exciting players the sport has ever seen. However, speed is not enough to win in this league. You have to have composure, leadership, & defense. If the Eggles don't make the playoffs, this could (should) be it for Andy Reid.

19. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2) - Big Ben is one tough sonuvabitch. It's almost like tackling a brick wall, you'll likely get hurt more than him. Mike Wallace is a dynamic reciever and that defense will always be vaunted. However, if your QB doesn't have a foot to stand on, literally, then winning will be difficult.

18. Chicago Bears (2-2) - Somehow, I've forgotten they still play football up there since the 2006 season. Chicago still has a great defense and are an old-school, smash-mouth team. But, when Cutler is calling the plays, you're hoping Urlacher gets a few touchdowns.

17. Oakland Raiders (2-2) - Once again, this team is quietly going to challenge for a playoff spot. Jason Campbell was a solid guy in DC and is proving that in CA. The AFC West isn't a difficult division, the Raiders went 6-0 against them last year. And with Janikowski still kicking, points are always an option.

16. Dallas Cowboys (2-2) - This team could very easily be 4-0 or 0-4. Tony Romo is, as Sports Illustrated's Don Banks said, the Most Pivotal Player (MPP) in the NFL. If the injuries/inexperience of the offense gets shored up, they could be poised to make a run late in the year.

15. New York Jets (2-2) - For once, I understand what my buddy Greenie has always said about Mark Sanchez. He was AWFUL against Baltimore even given the excuse he has no center. If Rex Ryan wants "ground-and-pound" to make a comeback, he better start using it and stop throwing the ball to the Ravens.

14. Atlanta Falcons (2-2) - In a very tough division, the defense has to be better when facing guys like Drew Brees, Cam Newton, and yes, Josh Freeman. I love the Falcons, but Matty Ice can't do it all on his own as evident by the game against Green Bay on opening day.

13. San Francisco (3-1) - Aside from a heroic effort by Tony Romo, this team should be 4-0. Harbaugh is proving that this coaching family is here to stay in the NFL. And in what I truly believe is the worst devision in football, there is no excuse why the 49ers shouldn't already be printing their AFC West Championship T-shirts.

12. Buffalo Bills (3-1) - In the first three weeks we saw some amazing comebacks by the Bills including one over the heavily favored (and much better) New England Patriots. And then, we saw a let down in Cinci. Good teams don't let things like that happen. For now, the wagons stay out of the top ten.

11. Washington Redskins (3-1) - Talk about Detroit, Buffalo, and Tennessee as the surprises of the year, but in the NFC East, who would have thought keeping pace with the 'Skins would be neccessary? Grossman looks good and the RB Guru of Mike Shannahan found a solid backfield tandem in Ryan Torain and Tim Hightower.

10. Tennessee Titans (3-1) - With Chris Johnson holding out, all looked loss for the Titans. Then came Hassleback and things looked ok. But without Kenny Britt, the offense will falter. Unless Matt can truly right the ship. In a Peyton Manning-less AFC South, anything is possible.

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1) - Josh Freeman is a very good, very big, young quarterback. Raheem Morris is a smart mind, but their defensive is still struggling heavily. Unless Legarette Blount carries the ball at least 30 times a game, don't expect them to challenge for the division. Wild Card ain't out of the question though.

8. San Diego Chargers (3-1) - I've been on this bandwagon for years. Every season I feel as though they are gonna turn the corner and really make a run in the postseason but they still don't have the defense. We'll see how they do against Oakland this year. For now, I'm riding Phillip Rivers arm till it falls off.

7. New York Giants (3-1) - Ok, yes, Victor Cruz probably did fumble that ball, but great teams take advantage of the chances they get. That's what the Giants have done in the early going minus the second half in the season opener. Plus, imagine what will happen when Big Blue's defense is truly 100%?

6. Houston Texans (3-1) - As I was watching them play the Steelers on Sunday I thought, good teams know how to finish. The Texans finished that game when they should have. They are ready for a division crown, finally. Now if they can just survive the next three weeks without Andre Johnson...

5. Baltimore Ravens (3-1) - Joe Flacco (CAA product, SOO GOOOOD) didn't look that great against the Jets. But defense wins championships and as long as Ed Reed, Terrell Suggs, and Ray Lewis still play on Sundays, this is the most dangerous defense in the NFL. Oh, and som Harbaugh guy is coaching them.

4. Detroit Lions (4-0) - I, for one, am not the least bit surprised by this team. Matthew Stafford is a top-tier quarterback and that defensive line is downright murderous. Calvin Johnson will catch anything and like Shannon Sharpe said Sunday, "He is Megatron and the NFL doesn't have an Optimus Prime."

3. New Orleans Saints (3-1) - Drew Brees is still one of the elite quarterbacks in the NFL and the addition of Heisman winner Mark Ingram brings a power game to the Saints we aren't truly used to. Not to mention, they have one of the best young coaches in the game in Sean Payton, isn't that right Dallas?

2. New England Patriots (3-1) - If Tom Brady channel his inner Tony Romo/Brett Favre two weeks ago, they might be number one. The offense is stupid good. If Chad Johnson ever caught a pass this year, and the defense prevented a pass completion, they would run away with the AFC Crown and maybe a Super Bowl.

1. Green Bay Packers (4-0) - Is there really an argument here? Defending champs, GREAT defense, top of the line quarterback, solid ground game, and the ability to hide out in media market 189. This is the best team in football, until they lose. Maybe in Indy?




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