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Hello world. Been a while, hasn't it? First, let me say that I am writing this while I am sitting in my hotel room on my final night in San Juan, Puerto Rico the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Why am I in Puerto Rico? Why am I on a blog when in tropical paradise? First, I was broadcasting my college's Men's Basketball team as they were in a tournament here (perks of radio, I know). Secondly, we have a 9 a.m. flight tomorrow and have to be on the bus by 6 a.m. at the latest so it is an early night for me.
On to the reason why I am actually writing this. Amidst the sun-bathing, game-calling, rum-drinking and overal relaxation of the week, I read a book. For those who know me, take a moment to let that settle in. No this was not a coloring book nor was it a sports book. This book was entitled "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" by Tucker Max. Some of you have heard of this book and know what it is. The few who don't, this guy Tucker Max chronicles his own "escapades" involving massive alcohol consumption and fornicating with random women.
Again, the people who know me are now not surprised I read this book. Many would consider me a small version of Mr. Max (my girlfriend claims I look a bit like him. "You two have the same smirk" she tells me.) What may be surprising is I read the entire 300+ pages in only 5 days. I DON'T READ! After I finished the book, I actually stood aghast at what I had just accomplished. Having said that, I took a moment to reflect on what I just digested.
I have come to four main conclusions after reading what I can only describe as a piece of self-gratifying musings:
1) I am NOT Tucker Max. Let me say that again: I AM NOT TUCKER MAX! Yes, I'm a bit of a jerk, maybe even a dick at some point; but the manner in which he treats women and strangers in general is appalling. Momma raised me better. In public I may come off a little harsh and as an asshole (and I accept that) but ask anyone who truly knows me, and I'm not that type of person. Not to mention, the man glorifies his sexual promiscuity. Every guy does this, but the man treats it like it is his job to degrade and sleep with as many women as possible. It's deplorable, bordering on criminal.
2) Some women truly are sluts. The stories read in IHTSBIH really show that. Some women will sleep with anyone once they get alcohol in them, some will sleep with any guy who is mildly famous and some truly do love assholes. That last one probably has some of you going "DUH!" And guys, if you want a quick one-nighter, check your local excuse for a "college bar" (unless you live in like NC or TN or a school with a legit football program; yes legit football program = legit college bar) and pick up anything that looks like it has a pulse by being a complete and total ass. If you actually want a girlfriend (a 3-star on the Tucker Max Female Rating Scale, by the way) then be respectful and meet a girl in a casual way, at a small party, through a friend, etc. Basically, what you want is what you get in relationships (same for you, ladies.)
3) Tucker Max is AWESOME! The guy is hilarious. His writing is very graphic and detailed which enthralls any reader and no matter if you like him or his methods, you can't put the book down. Obviously the stories are not every day occurrences, and he explicitly says that, but damn does the dude know how to party. Not to mention if I were a single man (which I am happily not. Love you, sweetheart) I would kill to hang out with Tucker and pick off what the vulture leaves as scraps. If you ever come across this post Tucker, email me and let's do it up country style!
4) The guy is not a writer. He is a blogger. His only creativity comes in the various ways he is able to destroy and insult people as mercilissly as Hades would if he were spawned on Earth. The fact that this was a New York Times Bestseller shows what power the internet has (it also could be proven by the amount of women he has been with due to his site.) Honestly, people purposely using a sound recorder to have a copy of the previous night's debauchery in hopes of gaining an audience is kinda ridiculous.
Wait, then what am I doing here? Maybe....oh, God. Maybe I am a bit of Tucker Max. Oh well, dude is pretty effin awesome.
