Alright, October means my favorite holiday of the year is fast approaching. Halloween. I love creative, funny, mean, politically-incorrect costumes. I was Martha Stewart one year (blonde wig and an orange jumpsuit) and the Met's starting lineup the year they all were hurt. So, with a little help from my good buddy Matty Naps, here is a top-10 list of sports-themed costumes for you to decide between in the next three weeks.
10. NBA/NFL Lockouts
Easily the most talked about stories of the last few months, arguably the two most exciting sports leagues in the country were close (one still is) to not actually having a season. The majority of Americans sat uneasy during June and July as the thought of no gridiron Sundays crept closer and closer to reality. Now, there may actually be a delay/cancellation of pro basketball in the US. Easy costume design here, just put on any NFL/NBA jersey and make sure you have handcuffs on. Or wear a suit with the keys around your belt. Either way, complain you aren’t making enough money the entire time.
9. CM Punk
In a “sport” that continues to have an insanely large fan-base, CM Punk has become one of the more recognizable names in WWE. Now, when I occassionnaly checked in on RAW or SmackDown, I learned that this guy was a “straight-edged” man trying to convince everyone to do the same. Whether that is still true, I’m not sure, but his storyline has grown to becoming a WWE champ. If you wanna give this a ride, throw on some spandex, continue to make him the most popular name in the biz and tell everyone how much better you are than them.
8. Alexandre Burrows
The bite felt round the world, was one of the biggest talking points in this year’s Stanley Cup Finals between the Vancouver Canucks and Boston Bruins. The Canucks winger actually went and tried to take a piece of Bruins Patrice Bergeron when the two got in a skirmish a la Holyfield-Tyson. To properly do this costume, buy a Burrows jersey and have part of a finger hanging out of your mouth. If you want to make fun of the whole city of Vancouver, just peacefully destroy everything at the party because you didn’t get what you came for.
7. Philadelphia Eagles “Dream Team”
Ok, once the NFL got going, the actual analysis of the sports and teams began. Experts continued to gawk at the signings made by the Eagles and dub them immediate contenders. Backup quarterback Vince Young took it another level and called his squad a “dream team” of sorts. Now, Philly is 1-4 after dropping a game to the Buffalo Bills this weekend. Without the Phillies or the 76ers (does Philly know they have an NBA team?) the Flyers look as the only hope in that city. To make this one work, just get all the Eagles sleepwear you can find and look like you’re about to go to bed. That’s the only way Eagles fans will their team in the Super Bowl.
6. Novak Djokovic (as Maria Sharapova)
If you have not seen this, here. Novak, who had probably the greatest season of any individual athlete since Tiger Woods in 2000, also proved he is very creative and funny by spoofing on the talented, and sexy, Maria Sharapova. Guys, your drag costume of the year is here. Just follow Novak’s lead and enjoy the Lady Gaga alternate of 2011.
5. BCS School
With all this talk of constant conference realignment, why not have a little fun with? Texas is in the SEC, TCU was going to the BIG EAST and is now going to the BIG 12, Colorado apparently belongs in the PAC-12, and now UCONN and PITT are on the Atlantic Coast. Just find any BCS school jersey and constantly change the conference logo patch on your shoulder claiming football would do better there. Just don’t go get a geography degree from any of those universities.
4. Lebron James
For the second straight year “King James” has made the list. Last year it was as simple as putting on his jersey and talking about going to Miami. This year it’s almost exactly the same. Buy a LeBron James Heat jersey, grow out a little scruff for your beard, and throw on your headband. You have to make sure that you leave all your rings at home, cause you’re LeBron, you don’t have any. Oh, and make sure you and your teammates leave three-quarters through the party.
3. Nevin Shapiro
Ah, yet another college story to make fun of. The University of Miami (The U), was caught for multiple players receiving benefits from a booster named Nevin Shapiro. Those benefits ranged from parties, to computers, to even prostitutes. So all you have to do, is rock a Miami football jersey, have a couple Charlie Sheen-esque goddesses on your arm and keep promising them to other people at the party if they come with you.
2. Brian Wilson’s Beard
The most glorious face-salad in sports since Rollie Fingers has taken on a legend of its own. Now, I hate that Mr. Wilson has to dye his beard black to keep it that way, but he makes up for it in camera attitude and character. Instead of going as Brian Wilson’s ESPY outfit, just go as the beard, it’s that famous anyway. Could get you an epic Head & Shoulders commercial too.
1. Red Sox/Braves
Who will ever forget, or let us forget, the fact that the Atlanta Braves and the Boston Red Sox simultaneously performed the greatest September collapse in baseball history. If you want to really be a star at your party, and piss off any friends who are fans of those teams, put on a Sox/Braves jersey, tape a pair of fake hands around your neck and paint your face blue. If you are a Sox or Braves fan, you can have just as much fun with this by putting on an Alex Rodriguez jersey.
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